Wednesday, July 15th, 2015

Cover for Drabblecast B-Sides 62, War of the Clowns, by Bo KaierOne time two clowns set themselves to arguing. The people would stop, amused, to watch them.

—What’s that? they asked.

—Why, it’s only two clowns arguing.

Who could take them seriously? Ridiculous, the two comedians reparteed.

The arguments were common nonsense, the theme was a ninnery.

And an entire day passed.

The following morning, the two remained, obnoxious and outdoing each other. It seemed as though, between them, even yucca soured. In the street, meanwhile, those present were exhilarated with the masquerade. The buffoons began worsening their insults with fine-edged and fine tuned barbs. Believing it to be a show, the passersby left coins along the roadside.


Episode Art:  Bo Kaier

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Sunday, June 8th, 2014

Cover for Drabblecast episode 115, Clown Eggs, by Bo Kaier

Author Jay Lake knew about the devil and he knew about the clowns. When his story, Clown Eggs, first appeared on the Drabblecast, listeners said things like “This might be, hands-down, the weirdest story I’ve ever heard on [The Drabblecast].  I think I’m going to have nightmares forever. Can I send my therapy bills to you guys?” (Thanks, Talia)

In other words, people loved it.

Since then, the Drabblecast has produced three other outpourings from Jay’s singular vision of the world (or a world – or some worlds, but hopefully not our own).   In fact, Jay’s last professional sale was “The Goat Cutter,” Drabblecast 321, the story from last April about the Devil in Texas.    You remember that story- you can’t forget it, even though you’ve tried.

Jay lost his battle with cancer on Sunday, June 1, 2014. In tribute to Jay, we’re kicking off Drabbleclassics with several weeks of Jay Lake’s stories.

And now: Episode 115, Clown Eggs, first published May 25th, 2009.


The spring tide rolled across Momus Beach, tossing the flaccid corpses of clowns like so many torn balloons. Weathered to a dispirited pallor, they twisted in the foamy surf with the eternally surprised expressions of the dead..

The Drabble describes either an apocalyptic event, or a simple machine. The feature introduces us to old “bull” clown Uncle Swarmy. It’s not just another day at the beach. Learn more about the clown life cycle than you’re comfortable with!

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Originally published in Abyss & Apex, 2004.
Episode Art:  Bo Kaier

Twabble:  “The unfortunate explosion of the rabbit was gory, but mostly ironic given John’s last comment: “And for my next trick…” ”  by  LajesticVantrashellofLob

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Thursday, April 24th, 2014

Cover for Drabblecast 322, The Carnival Was Eaten, All Except the Clown, by Shea BartelThe magician’s table was covered by a sheet of plywood, four feet square, completely wrapped up in aluminum foil. Sugar magic was messy magic, and the foil made for easier cleanup. Scattered across the aluminum were misshapen chunks of candy, the seeds from which the carnival would grow. And grow it did.

 

 

 

Read full story…

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Story originally appeared in Electric Velocipede #27.
Episode Art:  Shea Bartel

Twabble:  “He heard creaking, cracking. A hiker fell on his head. Then a huge limb. Then the bear. Bad things really do come in trees. ”  by  UnseenTangerine

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Tuesday, December 24th, 2013

Cover for Drabblecast B-Sides episode 36, Warm Regression, by Mary MatticeThere were always bright rings on the doorbell and smiling faces carrying covered dishes. There was always a peck on the cheek for us kids when grandma came, and always a strong handshake from grandpa. His big warm hands always convinced us that he was as strong as he was wise. All of them would pile in, cherry red cheeks and warm mittens. They would brush off all the snow from outside and remind us how cold it was where we lived. It was true, we lived in one of the coldest parts of the country, and there was always a blizzard on Christmas Eve.

A Drabblecast original.
Episode Art:  Mary Mattice

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Tuesday, January 31st, 2012

Cover for Drabblecast episode 231, Trifec ta XX, by Brent HolmesThe six of them meet for the first time in front of the sagging clapboard house where Everett Montrose was born. All are tired, with hollows under their eyes from driving or riding buses for days. Even so, they greet each other with shy, relieved smiles. Few words are said; most seem unsure of how to speak to each other. There are some handshakes, even a quick hug or two, but these interactions are awkward and all soon turn their attention to their reason for coming here. They all carry with them small pieces of Everett Montrose, and all instinctively touch the fragments as they look to the house.

This episode of the Drabblecast opens with an announcement that the Kickstarter goal for Norm’s new CD has been reached. The theme of the trifecta is Southern justice. In Whit Carlson’s Trespasser, chronic bellyacher Whit Carlson makes a complaint to the sheriff about a clown fishing on his property. In The Six Pieces of Everett Montrose, six strangers meet in front of the house where Everett Montrose was born and where his brother still lives. Each has been compelled to return the bone fragment he or she has found. In Boll Weevil, a man drives home through a plague of boll weevils to face the end of the world. Whether they are a bioweapon, a biblical plague, or aliens, the boll weevils have survived the winter and started breeding wildly, injecting their babies into people with each bite. After containment and quarantine have failed to stop them, a scorched earth policy is about to be enacted. The episode concludes with a bit by Hearty White reading a poetry submission rejection letter.

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Hearty White's Miracle Nutrition Hour "The Six Pieces of Everett Montrose", "Whit Carlson's Trespasser", and "Boll Weevil" are all Drabblecast original stories.
Episode Art:  Brent Holmes

Twabble:  “Professorplex8 continued, "Even if humans did exist that hardly supports the theory of intelligent design, does it?" ”  by  Steven D. Lidster

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Saturday, March 12th, 2011

Cover for Drabblecast B-Sides episode 14, Uneasy Lies the Head that Wears the Clown, by Brian WalkerThe book opens in New York where hedge-fund manager Tony Wolfe- completely convinced that his success proves him a superman straight out of an Ayn Rand novel- wakes up groggy and realizes his new hair transplant appears to have fallen out. If only.

 

A Drabblecast original.
Episode Art:  Brian Walker

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Friday, January 29th, 2010

Cover for Drabblecast episode 148, The Last Great Clown Hunt, by Bo KaierIt was clown-hunting weather. It was time to gather the musty costumes, clean the slide whistles, bag up the guns, and spin the lures of cotton candy…

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Originally published in Weird Tales #352, Nov/Dec 2008. U.S. Government gives crappy state back to Sioux
Episode Art:  Bo Kaier
Music by:   Gringo Motel, Randy Edelman, Wayra, The Clown Orchestra and Norm Sherman. Special Closing Music by Evil Masquerade

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