A special throwback episode. With One week left in the Drabblecast Reborn Kickstarter, Norm presents one of his favorite surreal stories from deep in the archive by Hootingyard writer and Resonance FM radio personality Frank Key, and gives us a teaser about Frank’s commissioned story for Drabblecast Kickstarter Supporters
The bullet-riddled corpses of our dead crew-mates, all sixteen of them, are coffined up, and the coffins stacked as a makeshift ping pong table…
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It looks like a quantity of strawberry jam squeezed into a cheap polythene shower cap. Even down to the darkened pips and the intimation someone’s attempted to pick it up and squished it in the middle. Clint adjusts the telescopic sight and tilts his head, upping the magnification, but knocking the thermal readout to the off position. He can feel the heat from here, so it’s safe to say that the temperature is outside the usual parameters.
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Pabstus Tack came back! He’d been away to sea. The sea was vast and wet. That is what he told them, at the symposium held to mark his return. He was not believed, at first. How could anything be so vast?, so wet?, they asked. He had an implausible air, and a ratty moustache. The moustache was new…
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Pabstus Tack, Pabstus Sludge, Pabstus! Pabstus! Of him we sing. We sing his praises, it seems to me, for want of anything better to do. Pabstus Tack sits on his great golden throne, belching out light, a blinding light as gorgeous as it is uncanny. And yet it is an impure light, that is certain, for with Pabstus Tack comes Pabstus Sludge…
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Monsignor’s Log, stardate the Millennium Feast of Saints Blot & Cugat…
It was a very special day, so I wore the least tatty of my vestments. The chasuble is only slightly frayed, the stains on the cincture have faded, the alb, granted, is little better than a rag. I cannot get the grease out of the amice, and the stole is in tatters. The less said about the maniple the better. But by adjusting the lighting so it played through the cobwebs I think only the sharpest-eyed of congregants will have noticed. I did my best to disguise the stink by spraying the chapel with an aerosol can of Essence of Blood of the Lamb. It was decocted, of course, not from the real blood of a real lamb, but from chemical compounds manufactured in the lab by boffins. I have seen pictures of so-called “real” lambs in a codex. They look like tinier versions of sheep, if, that is, they were drawn to scale. Who knows?
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“By the Earth-Stypei Treaty of The Twenty-third Local Year of Our Interaction, as amended, suspected Stypean sympathizers may be detained by duly empowered authorities only so long as the unbreachable sovereignty of the Stypean body-host is not violated, and only for the purpose of deportation upon confirmation of Stypean inhabitance. Tests to determine inhabitance are only permissible if they do not breach body-host sovereignty in any fashion. The breaching of a body-host as well as the deportation of a non-Stypean body host to Stypean space shall constitute an act of war and a resumption of hostilities between the two worlds”
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“From fortress-building to cornet-playing, you never cease to amaze me, Beckie.” I replied, dumping my weekend luggage in a corner of the grm brickish vestibule…
In this episode’s Drabble, reading a spy thriller helps pass the time while an assassin waits for his target to return home. The feature story, Boiled Black Broth and Cornets, concerns a bizarrely convoluted plot by the narrator’s good friend to learn how to build a fortress, make mind-controlling soups, and play the cornet for the overall purpose of abducting and training an octet of musicians to put on a jazz concert.
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The bullet-riddled corpses of our dead crew-mates, all sixteen of them, are coffined up, and the coffins stacked as a makeshift ping pong table…
In Drabble News, Norm congratulates the Harper Collins Dictionary for adding the slang term “meh” (an utterance of indifference). For the Drabble segment, returning author and future editor Matthew Bey (responsible for Drabblecast #58, “Eggs,” among others) allows his strange nocturnal fantasies about pupating locomotives to cross into the listener’s daylight. Next, Norm reads from the work of Frank Key, the British surreal author whose ‘lopsided fiction’ has graced the Drabblecast on numerous occasions, including episode #190. The selection: “The Goat God.” The feature describes the Flying Dutchman space journey of the starship “Corrugated Cardboard,” and the strange transformations of its surviving crew. The crew’s destination: a tiny pink planet where blind, mute, magnetic love monkeys frolic. Do these wonderful mythical creatures even exist, or are they figments of the unreliable narrator’s imagination? Finally, Norm reads from the positive feedback heaped by readers upon Episode #86, “Half Sneeze Johnny.”
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